The Worst Biscuits Ever

The Worst Biscuits Ever
First of all, thank you to everyone who has commented on my best/most nostalgic biscuits blog post.
 
As promised… here are my suggestions for the 5 worst biscuits when I was little.  So this is from my point of view as a child... not me now… 

I’m saying that partly because some of my “worst childhood biscuits” have already appeared as people’s favourites in the blog comments.  I know lots of people will disagree with my list... but it's my list, so na na nana na!

Here goes...

Picture the scene.  I’m 8.  We’re visiting relatives.  Someone’s making a cup of tea and they’re going to bring in a plate of biscuits.

Please have P-P-P-P-P-P-P-Pick up a Penguin biscuits…

But instead my face falls as I’m confronted by…
 
5)  Rich Tea Biscuits.  Surely nothing was more boring for an 8 year old than these crispy buy oh-so-dull beige affairs.  Beige just about summed them up… at least it did at the time.
 
4)  Mildly better… but not much.  Digestives.  Now if they’d been chocolate digestives then I’d have been beaming like a Cheshire Cat… but just plain digestives are, well, just plain.
 
3)  Garibaldis.  Ewww!  Everyone knew they were made with dead flies... Talk about the opposite of more-ish!

2)  Fruit Shortcakes.  I loved shortbread biscuits but these were nothing like that.  They were much thinner and flatter and someone had extracted all of the shortbreaddy loveliness and replaced it with bland boredom. 

And clearly the manufacturers had realised that these things were utterly tasteless and tedious… and so they had the genius idea of “improving” them by the addition of a stingy scattering of currants (aka more dead flies)

1)  For me these were top of the list by so far it’s almost rude.  Can you guess? 

Fig rolls. 

The outside part was probably alright though I can’t really remember much about it… it was really just a vehicle for the noxious sweet, sickly, gooey substance within.  Fig rolls were probably the only biscuit where I would choose to go without. 

And I don’t care how many times people tell you that “they keep you regular”… that’s not an effective sales pitch to give to an 8 year old with no difficulties in that department, thank you very much!

So that's my top (or should it be bottom?) 5... but I couldn't finish without adding this bonus rottenly boring biscuit from when I was little.

Remember when you got (and still get) those tins of biscuits…
 
Where anything remotely chocolatey was devoured first and from then on it was a case of damage limitation and picking the least worst option…

They always had pink wafers.

Not the chocolate covered ones… they’d long since been devoured.

But plain pink ones.  No real flavour, just a bit dry… sort of like eating cardboard. 


Were they just filler?  Please don’t tell me they were the ones you dived for first when the tin was opened! 

Actually please do tell me if that was the case… and tell me if you agree or disagree with my list… and which excuse for a biscuit I’ve missed out from my list.

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