I’m saying that partly because some of my “worst childhood biscuits” have already appeared as people’s favourites in the blog comments. I know lots of people will disagree with my list... but it's my list, so na na nana na!
Picture the scene. I’m 8. We’re visiting relatives. Someone’s making a cup of tea and they’re going to bring in a plate of biscuits.
Please have P-P-P-P-P-P-P-Pick up a Penguin biscuits…
But instead my face falls as I’m confronted by…
2) Fruit Shortcakes. I loved shortbread biscuits but these were nothing like that. They were much thinner and flatter and someone had extracted all of the shortbreaddy loveliness and replaced it with bland boredom.
And clearly the manufacturers had realised that these things were utterly tasteless and tedious… and so they had the genius idea of “improving” them by the addition of a stingy scattering of currants (aka more dead flies)
1) For me these were top of the list by so far it’s almost rude. Can you guess?
The outside part was probably alright though I can’t really remember much about it… it was really just a vehicle for the noxious sweet, sickly, gooey substance within. Fig rolls were probably the only biscuit where I would choose to go without.
And I don’t care how many times people tell you that “they keep you regular”… that’s not an effective sales pitch to give to an 8 year old with no difficulties in that department, thank you very much!
So that's my top (or should it be bottom?) 5... but I couldn't finish without adding this bonus rottenly boring biscuit from when I was little.
Remember when you got (and still get) those tins of biscuits…
They always had pink wafers.
Not the chocolate covered ones… they’d long since been devoured.
But plain pink ones. No real flavour, just a bit dry… sort of like eating cardboard.
Were they just filler? Please don’t tell me they were the ones you dived for first when the tin was opened!
Actually please do tell me if that was the case… and tell me if you agree or disagree with my list… and which excuse for a biscuit I’ve missed out from my list.