Worst Christmas Sweets

12 sleeps until Christmas (as I write this). I know because I've just counted it out on my fingers!

You'll never guess which topic from my blog posts has generated the biggest reaction.

I've written about so many things that took me back...

So nostalgic...

I was there again...

Jumpers for goalposts...

Scuffed shoes...

Holes in my school trouser knees...

Oh oh...

But the topic that generated the most feedback by far...

Was when I vented my contempt for pink wafers...

They seem to be the marmite of the biscuit world...

Or the Parma Violets if you prefer...

I still say they are an abomination and taste like cardboard...

So there! (I'm sticking my tongue out in particularly smug, juvenile manner!)

We'll take a little break in my countdown to Christmas (lest I run out of content prematurely!)...

And I'll risk venturing into the polarising world of slagging things off once again...

In this case it's... the rubbishest sweets/chocolates that you were given for Christmas when you were little...

Yes, I know it's the thought that counts...

And it was very kind of that "friend of the family" who isn't actually an auntie/uncle to give you a gift...

But please... pick one that there's the faintest chance that I'll flipping like.

Plus, does that mean I have to write them a "thank you" note?

Can I give it back then?

Humph...

Enough of that... here's the top 5 sweets and chocolates where...

"oh, you shouldn't have"

really meant

"oh, I really wish you hadn't"

xxxxx

Number 5

Technically I didn't have a problem with the sweet itself (as long as it wasn't the Milky Way version.... BORRRRRRRING!) but it was the hideously named format...

A bag of "Fun Size" e.g. Mars, Twix etc etc.

How is a titchy bar "fun"?

Size was everything when I was little (Frankie Howerd would be tittering frantically at that) and that meant big....

First thing to check on Christmas morning... who had the biggest present?

Who had the biggest pile?

etc etc

"Fun" size is like "smart" phone...

We (the manufacturers) want you to buy something so we're going to give it a name which makes it sound like it's benefiting you when actually the real benefit is ours...

ALL OURS... evil laugh.

I wanted big... the end.

Not "fun".

Number 4

Quality Street... BORRRRRRRING!

Far too many rubbish ones.

Once I've eaten the purple wrappers (chocolate with gooey caramel in) - or was that Roses? - all that seemed to be left were toffees (destined to be eaten last of all due to their sheer tedium for a 9 year old), lumps of chocolate with tiny pieces of hazlenut in (yarn) and, from memory, not much else.

Quality Street (or was it Roses?) wasn't horrible... just so underwhelming...

A wasted opportunity.

Not worth more than a "Dear X, Thank you for the lovely present that you gave me for Christmas. Lots of Love, Michael"... and that was pushing it.

Number 3

I've warmed to Quality Street slightly more as I've got older because I quite like toffee now...

I still wouldn't choose QS and my heart would sink a smidge if I was given it (because of the wasted give opportunity) but any port in a storm.

The same cannot be said for...

Toblerone.

Pants when I was 9...

Pants now.

I cannot believe that it sells sufficiently to still exist.

Who buys the stuff?

Do people only buy it as a gift?

At duty free in the airport... "oh look there's a huge, foot long Toblerone for about £20 (High Street Price £99... yeah right!)... they'll love that..."

Bet they don't.

Is there anyone reading this who ever buys Toblerone for themselves and not just as a desperation gift?

I rest my case.

Number 2

Time for the non-chocolate entry...

I was just about to launch into a sweet assassination of a name that I remember from when I was little...

But having done a little research as I write this I realise that I may be confusing it with another similar monstrosity...

A case of mistaken identity?

More likely both were as bad as each other.

So in the interests of fairness, I'll include both of them because they are variations on a theme...

I give you...

New Berry Fruits...

and York Fruits...

Both are fruit flavour jellies...

Squidgy...

Sugar coated...

And at a time of the year when deliciousness abounded...

Deeply disappointing and to be avoided.

The sort of thing that each year I'd try just in case I'd been overly harsh previously...

After all they look ok...

Ewwwwww...

Head for the bin...

Spit it out...

Sloosh to try to take the taste away...

Strangely I associate them with Christmas...

Yet I wouldn't touch them with a bargepole...

Number 1

Top of the shop...

King of the hill...

Can you guess?

These seemed to rear their ugly heads every single Christmas without fail...

The twiglets of chocolate...

They came in different flavours...

One flavour per box...

But it didn't really matter which favour it was...

They were still rubbish...

I can't remember anyone liking them...

So why did people keep on giving them...

Unless it was them offloading the box of the blighters that they had just received in similar circumstances.

I give you...

Matchmakers.

Holy cow (I've just searched on Google)...

They still make them...

I give up!